The Prostitute and The Lover

I see God before me - an invitation. I am trying to work against the flesh, I am trying to come to Him and leave my temptations behind, but I am trying in my own effort. I am not praying for the Spirit to do it for me. I think I can do it alone. I think I can come to Him, humbly, if I try hard enough. I am wrong.
Something distracts me. Success, Wealth, People-Pleasing, Acceptance. My peripheral catches a glimpse of these things. I twist my head towards them. I lose sight of my Savior before me, beckoning me closer. I lose sight of His gifts, of His Great Promise. My human-eyes are easily distracted, my human-flesh easily forgets what is Good. I am, once again, prone to wander.

I see a prostitute before me - a reflection. She shows me the woman I am prone to become. The one who turns from a devoted Lover. The one who is broken, the one who feels undesirable. The one who is, in truth, passionately desired by her Creator. I am the prostitute. I am weak. I can do nothing but come to Him, in desperation and confession. I cannot try anymore. Today, once again, I give Him me.

Something changes inside of me - in my heart and my soul, in my blood and my bones. It is the Spirit of the Gift-Giver, the Promise-Keeper. His Spirit moves in me and waters my soul. He grows beauty within me again. He chooses me to be His garden. He takes me back. He makes me worthy, He makes me holy. He redeems me in the way that only He can. I was the prostitute - I am the daughter of God.

"I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness, and you shall know the Lord." 

Hosea 2:19-20