So I'm sitting on my white down bedspread this morning, balancing a full cup of coffee in between my palms and I can't help but get a bit anxious about the possibility of a coffee stain on my pretty bed. The color white is just so new and clean and neat and bright. You know? I place my coffee down on a table beside me and breathe again.
I self-reflect. Why the anxiety? About coffee? And a stain? Am I really that ridiculous? Yes, the answer is yes. But why?
I'm trying again, to do something right. To make something about me better because I want to fix all my flaws. I have it in my head that I can do that. That I can make my stains white on my own with some sort of self-righteous bleach.
I can tell that I'm not motivated by Christ and His example in this moment, in these times of trying. I'm motivated by an image of the Christian I think I should be. I'm motivated by my friends who seem more-righteous/more-God-fearing/more-peaceful/more-joyful/more-gentle than I am.
Am I letting Christ set me free, or am I letting an idea of the "perfect Christian" tie me down?
The pressure is undeniable; the comparisons are endless. It's in these moments that happen more often than I would like to admit that I must ask, "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." (Galatians 1:10, NIV) I sit in the stillness of God and I feel Him move me, as He never seems to tire of doing.
I pick up my coffee again, and I forget about how full it is because I'm holding God's Word in my other hand and it tells me that "where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." (2 Corinthians 3:17, NIV)
I let myself forget about myself because God is Healer, Redeemer, Satisfier, Forgiver and He is near and He makes me clean and I don't have to try anymore. Because He is Who He is, He lets me forget about those self-expectations - I can't take my eyes off of Jesus long enough to remember them.
Knowing that I'm found in His grace, I can allow myself to be lost in His love.
I self-reflect. Why the anxiety? About coffee? And a stain? Am I really that ridiculous? Yes, the answer is yes. But why?
:::
I can tell that I'm not motivated by Christ and His example in this moment, in these times of trying. I'm motivated by an image of the Christian I think I should be. I'm motivated by my friends who seem more-righteous/more-God-fearing/more-peaceful/more-joyful/more-gentle than I am.
Am I letting Christ set me free, or am I letting an idea of the "perfect Christian" tie me down?
The pressure is undeniable; the comparisons are endless. It's in these moments that happen more often than I would like to admit that I must ask, "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." (Galatians 1:10, NIV) I sit in the stillness of God and I feel Him move me, as He never seems to tire of doing.
I pick up my coffee again, and I forget about how full it is because I'm holding God's Word in my other hand and it tells me that "where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." (2 Corinthians 3:17, NIV)
I let myself forget about myself because God is Healer, Redeemer, Satisfier, Forgiver and He is near and He makes me clean and I don't have to try anymore. Because He is Who He is, He lets me forget about those self-expectations - I can't take my eyes off of Jesus long enough to remember them.
Knowing that I'm found in His grace, I can allow myself to be lost in His love.
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